Ever since New Year’s my life has felt so empty without my sweetheart. I am in my second year of grief now, and I am tired of walking alone in my chronic pain and trying to reach forward into a new life without him. But God says there is more work to be done. I have wrestled long, possibly even with demons themselves, as I fight reaching “FORWARD”, my One Word for 2026. Though I now have new shoulders, I barely want to reach forward into a bleak future. It is a one small step at a time process.
Perhaps you feel the same on your journey.
(If you are early in your grief journey, this post may not be for you yet.)
Note: The following is from my own personal journey. You may not be here. It is just where I am while writing this post.
12 So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. 13 Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong. Hebrews 12:12-13
Journal Entry – March 1 – Empty From Weakness
Oh, can I relate to this! I just finished my physical therapy for my new shoulder replacement. But they sent me home with homework. 🙁 I am not quite back to 100% but I want to be. So I must press on and continue to strengthen my shoulder on my own. My knees, that’s another story. In my replaced knee, I am experiencing neuropathy down to my ankles. And the other knee likes to lock up on me whenever it gets the inclination. Thus, I walk with a cane. I desire to reach forward in this battle with R.A. and grief. I will not let it defeat me. And I hope and pray that my strengthened arms and my weak knees will encourage others to keep fighting the good fight, too.
His Grace is Sufficient!
I have been seeking to fill the empty with God and His Spirit. God has taught me much, but I struggle to stop with the self-pity and excuses that I cannot reach forward because of everything I am dealing with. But He keeps saying, I am all you need. The Apostle Paul reminds me over and over,
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9.
Recently, my pastor preached on the miracle of water into wine. (John 2:1-11) The key point being to follow the example of Christ. How did Jesus cause a miracle? He started with normal EMPTY POTS. Then the servants OBEYED His instructions to fill the pots to the brim and served it to the guests. Low and behold, a miracle! – the water turned into the best wine of the night!
We must empty our hearts and lives of everything. But we fight this. We scream, “I want my life back!” God says, “Forget all that (no matter how wonderful or awful), I want to do something new in your life.” (Mandy’s translation) He truly wants to do something new. Consider that this wine ended up being the best wine at the wedding. When we go with God, the best part of life is ahead of us. Stop looking back at was because we can’t go back.
The Best is Yet to Come! – This Mourning: Lord, I Am Empty Share on XWe must empty our lives first of everything that is holding us back. Sometimes things aren’t necessarily bad, but if God says to let it go, then we must. There can be no miracle when we are still holding on to our own desires.
Empty = Total Surrender
Peter began to say to Him, “See, we have left all and followed You.” Mark 10:28
Our Lord replies to this statement of Peter by saying that this surrender is “for My sake and the gospel’s” (Mark 10:29). It was not for what the disciples themselves would get out of it. Beware of surrender motivated by personal benefits. For example, “I’m going to give myself to God because I want to be delivered from something.” This is backwards. When we surrender our lives completely to God, we become right with God. Righteousness, being right with God, yields the results of deliverance and holiness.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Our motive for surrender should not be for any personal gain at all. It should be for the glory of God. Our society has become so self–centered that we go to God only for something from Him, and not for God Himself. It is like saying, “No, Lord, I don’t want you; I want myself. But I do want You to cleanse me or fix this problem. I want to be on display in Your showcase so I can say, ‘This is what God has done for me.’”
Gaining heaven, being delivered from sin, and being made useful to God are beautiful, wonderful benefits that come from full surrender. They should not be a consideration of why we surrender. Genuine total surrender is a personal sovereign preference for a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I Just Want to be His! – This Mourning: Lord, I Am Empty Share on XAre We Empty for Jesus to Come in?
Where does Jesus Christ figure into our lives when we have a concern about our natural relationships? Most of us will desert Him with this excuse — “Yes, Lord, I heard you call me, but my family needs me and I have my own interests. I just can’t go any further” (see Luke 9:57–62). “Then,” Jesus says, “you ‘cannot be My disciple’” (see Luke 14:26–33).
True surrender will always go beyond natural devotion…. Beware of stopping anywhere short of total surrender to God. Most of us have only a vision of what this really means, but have never truly experienced it. – My Utmost for His Highest
Other Reads You May Enjoy
Does a Surrendered Life Mark a Godly Woman?
What are the Spiritual Blessings We Have in Christ?
Chronic Pain Can Be a Powerful Opportunity
Pastor’s Wife (retired) & Chronic Pain Warrior blogs about how to make it through anything by relating her own life experiences to her writing. She is passionate about her love for the Lord and desires to spread that passion to others. She has a great desire to encourage women who are following behind her.
