A Church Home that Fits
After losing a spouse, your church home can feel like the most foreign place to you. After all, you attended church with your spouse. Church could be the only thing you did together. Serving. Worshiping. And now to go there alone feels.. just wrong. How do we deal with this?
For some, it may mean finding a new Sunday School class or even a new church.
Read more: This Mourning: Finding a Church Home After Losing a Spouse
My experience has been slightly different because, while Michael and I served together, I was often with the children and he was doing senior pastor things. When I was in worship, I sat alone all these years. So, for me, sitting alone is not that different. Serving alone is not that different. Because you can convince yourself that he is just in another part of the church. Also, because of illnesses, we had been shut-ins for 5 years. I had my own limitations but could push myself to get to worship, but Michael needed the entire morning to get functional.
After his passing, I was determined to get back into church. And I did, but it didn’t feel like home. We soon learned that we would move to another town nearby, so my son and I determined to look for the right place for us. I especially wanted to find a good midweek Bible study I could take part in without having to drive too far or convenient for getting a ride there.
So, What Do You Look For in a Church Home?
My son and I have spent the last year church hopping, you might say. Something we never had the luxury to do as a pastoral family. But after Michael passed, and we knew we would move to another town nearby, we started visiting lots of place in search of a church home. Our particular denomination does not have a church in this town. So we have visited many churches.
As church leaders, it was interesting. And we saw a lot of great ideas that we would love to incorporate into services if we are ever in leadership again. We visited small churches and large churches, traditional worship services and contemporary worship services. I was pleasantly surprised at what I liked and what I didn’t like.
Is the Word of God Preached?
First of all, we knew that we wanted to find a church home that preached the Word of God. It really didn’t matter what denomination or what name was on the sign. We wanted to hear what God had to say.. We found preachers that gave short and sweet messages with three points and a challenge. Others preached right out of the Bible, verse by verse, explaining the Word of God. And others spoke extemporaneously; they preached from a place deep in their heart with grand passion. Each time, fed by the Word of God.
Church Home Worship Style
Some services, I felt very comfortable in. Other services were loud and hard on my sensitivity syndrome. Some services used music I didn’t know. Other churches sang music new to us, but the music grew on us. Some services used hymnals, but still songs we did not know. Some sang the very hymns we knew in four-part harmony. That was right up my alley! One church spent a lot of time singing. Another church had a liturgical flair with responsive readings and creeds recited.
I have nothing against any of these things. They all have their place and invite different cultures, age groups and preferences into the service. They all reach someone, and this is good. My son and I agreed we didn’t have to attend worship together. But when we tried it a few Sundays, we leaned more toward worshiping together.
Are Your Needs Met?
Your church home is a two way street. We come to be fed and we come to be encouraged. We all have certain needs that must be considered. Some families are like me and have someone with disabilities, or perhaps you are a widow on your own. You may have a child with special needs. Some churches have blessed me beyond amazement. They treated me well inside the church and outside as well. They came to my aid and provided for needs that we had. This means a lot to me as a widow. These are important things to consider.
Where Can You Connect Once You Have a Church Home?
So what do we really want to consider when we visit a new church? As a leader, only a few times have I had a family come and immediately ask, “Where can we serve?” One family called to ask about Wednesday nights and what we had for children. We had a flourishing children’s class, but I apologized because we didn’t have a Preschool class yet. The mother replied, “Oh, I could help you there.”
I wonder if this is how we should look at a church and not so much on how the church can serve us. Kind of like what President Kennedy said years ago… ” Ask not what your country/church can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country/church. “
I have caught myself saying I think I am most comfortable over here. But then I had this thought (from the Lord?), just because you’re comfortable, does that mean you should be there? Ouch!
I was reading from The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a’ Kempis this week and he said,
“Be careful, then, not to strive too earnestly after some desire that you have conceived, without consulting Me (the Lord), lest you repent afterwards about something that once pleased you and now displeases you, something you thought would be good.
Because not every desire that seems good should be immediately followed. And not every desire that seems bad should be immediately avoided.
Sometimes it’s necessary to exercise restraint even in good desires and wishes. This will keep you from falling into distraction of mind through routine, or from becoming a stumbling block through lack of discipline, or even from becoming suddenly disturbed or confused by resistance from others. “
Should I be somewhere where they are struggling and they really need some good people to come in and make a difference? Should I attend a church with no children, even though I have three kids? (A church needs to start somewhere, friend. You could be the start. It could be that your children could bring their friends and the next thing you know the children’s department is thriving! Or just their presence would encourage other families to visit more than once. And, just a thought, intergenerational learning is not necessarily a bad thing.
Or should I be at a church that the Holy Spirit is already moving in the church? You see exciting things happening. You aren’t sure where you fit in, but the opportunity will open itself up to you. Or, it could be you have just gone through something very traumatic and you don’t need to jump right into serving. You may need a place to recover. Either could be the right answer for you. The key is that little phrase, “consult the Lord” first. If you earnestly search for an answer, He will give it to you.
Where is Your Church Home?
In conclusion, I think this is a very personal thing. We must seek God. Ask him where he wants us to be. Ask him to show you how you can serve in the church. We aren’t meant to just come and be pew warmers forever. But if God wants you to be still and know that He is God for a bit, He will tell you that as well.
So what do you think? What do you look for when you are in search of a new church home? Have I forgotten anything? Leave a comment.
Mandy
Pastor’s Wife (retired) & Chronic Pain Warrior blogs about how to make it through anything by relating her own life experiences to her writing. She is passionate about her love for the Lord and desires to spread that passion to others. She has a great desire to encourage women who are following behind her.
