In Search of the “Perfect” Pastor

Search for a perfect pastor

Pastors are People, Too

Our church recently began the adventure of searching for a new pastor. It’s a daunting job when you look for the perfect pastor. Basically, because there are no perfect pastors because pastors are people, too.

Pastors Are People Too

We tend to forget that pastors are people, too. We put them up on a pedestal that no one can live up to, thinking that they have it all together spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It is assumed that they never get hurt or tired. They never get in a spat with their spouse. As a pastor’s wife, I’m here to tell you that pastors are people, too. They are real human beings just like you and me. And they have strengths and weaknesses. All of them need love and especially grace.

Regardless of whether your church is in search of a new pastor. I’d like to challenge you to take a step back, lower the pedestal that you have him on, and look at him as a real person. Someone that has life challenges and emotional struggles, just like you. Someone who may not have it all together as much as you think. And then love him just the same.

A Book for Every Church Board Member

I recently picked up a book with an intriguing title, Pastors Are People, Too: What They Won’t Tell You But You Need to Know by Jimmy Dodd and Larry Magnusan.  Jimmy heads up a wonderful ministry for pastors that your church should opt into, called PastorServe. PastorServe offers counseling for pastors, retreats for pastors and their spouses, and also, will come alongside the church to help your church be the most supportive congregation.

If you are in search of a pastor, it’s a great time to access how you have been supporting your pastor and this book will guide you in making adjustments to serve him/her better. But even if you have a great pastor, this book can help you adjust the benefits you have set up and remind you to be sure that your pastor is taking advantage of all that you offer him. Many pastors do not feel it is their place to ask for a raise or even take a vacation that is coming to them. You must insist that they do these things for his and the church’s benefit. On that point, when is the last time you gave him a raise? Would you be happy if it has been that long since you received a raise at work? On that thought, perhaps when you get a raise at work, make it a reminder that your pastor would appreciate a raise too.

Pastor Benefits and Appreciation

This book will most certainly help you realize all the areas in his life that you have assumed are in order for your pastor.  To name a few:

  • Debt Management
  • Time Management
  • Personal Finances
  • Marriage enrichment
  • many of the things we all need more training in

What About the Spouse and Children?

Now personally, while many spouses do not feel the same, I feel called as a pastor’s wife as much as my husband is called to be a pastor. However, there is no training for being a pastor’s wife. But many churches expect her to play the piano, to teach a certain class, to lead the women, open her home to the people and the list goes on. Some spouses work outside the church often to provide insurance and extra funds to live on. They may be called to something other than just being there for the church.

Honestly, a little love and care for the pastor’s family goes a long, long way. They give up a lot because of the position their spouse/dad holds. More than you know, trust me on that. And a pastor will work hard for you if you will just love his family.

A little love and care of the pastor’s spouse and his family goes a long way.


Don’t skip the appendices in this book. They are of the most value. In fact, it will take you far to read just the last chapter on how to deal with conflict (good for anyone to learn) and the appendices.

A – A Vision of a Healthy Church

B – Praying for your Pastor (includes 30 days of prayers)

C – Thirty-Five Practical Way to Lovingly Support Your Pastor.

(I wrote my own post on this a while back)

As a retired pastor’s wife, I urge you to pick up this book today. Maybe get a dozen of them for the church board.

Still serving Christ,

Mandy Farmer

Are you a Pastor or spouse dealing with hurt from the church?

Join my FB page, Joy in the Wilderness for a little love and support from others in the same position. Click the image below to join.

joy in the wilderness pastor



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About Mandy Farmer

Pastor's Wife (retired) &  Chronic Pain Warrior blogs about how to make it through anything by relating her own life experiences to her writing. She is passionate about her love for the Lord and desires to spread that passion to others. She has a great desire to encourage women who are following behind her.

View all posts by Mandy Farmer

5 Comments on “In Search of the “Perfect” Pastor”

  1. These are wonderful resources. I am grateful that they are becoming available. Over the years, while in ministry, we saw many waver in their calling and even leave the ministry because of the many of the things you mentioned. I love that you feel called to be a pastor’s wife. I know you are a blessing to many.

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