Forgetting the Past and Reaching Forward

Reaching Forward – “My One Word for 2026”

Today I am writing and reaching forward from a place of grief. This has truly been the hardest thing I have ever had to sit in. (If you know me or have been following me, you know that I have been through a great deal in my life.) But I have a determination not to allow this pain to pull me into the depths of sorrow but to only allow sorrow to walk with me. So, I will share a few things that I am doing on my grief journey.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do:
Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, 
I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14 CSB

Stay Connected as You Reach Forward

I have been choosing ONEWORD every year for many years now. Even before Michael passed in December 2024, I prayed about my ONEWORD. I felt the Lord drawing me to the word “Fellowship”. I knew I was going to have to surround myself with friends and loved ones to get through my first year of grief.

My journal entry on December 2024 says,

Morning. Yes. Just morning. My daughter stayed with me last night. So thankful for her. We both woke around 3 and had some pillow talk. Then back to sleep. It sure doesn’t feel right this morning not having Michael here. I have already wanted to tell him things and show him how messages are pouring out for me and the family. It’s almost overwhelming to feel the love. And just think… All this is nothing compared to the love of God.

As is typical, family, friends, and acquaintances flooded me with phone calls and messages. But after a while, these subsided. I have known this for years and expected it. But that does not really mean that it is any easier. Friends drift away, not out of lack of love and care, but they just do not know what to say. (Note to friends, all I need is your presence. A hug might be nice. Words unnecessary.)

So what do we do as the silence grows louder?

We have to get intentional about reaching forward. It may be hard, but we must find new avenues of fellowship. I would start with church. This could be a little different for me being a pastor’s wife, and we could not attend in person for the previous five years. Getting out and going to church again was a good thing for me. Oh, how I love singing in the congregation. (Psalm 63) And the people loved and accepted me with open arms. It wasn’t a problem to attend a class alone, nor was it hard to sit in a pew alone. I have always done those things. The problem was that Michael was not up there preaching. And they were “doing things wrong.” LOL!

Between this and the fact that we were moving to a nearby town, I decided I should find a new church home. I learned that there are exceptional people of God everywhere and there are many ways to worship! ! Music is a key difference. And then style, such as the flow and liturgy used, makes a difference. Some church congregants are personable, but others are not. I have already written about finding a church home, so I will just give this one piece of advice. Reaching forward…. Get brave and get involved. Find a Bible class or a ministry where you can meet people and find a sense of belonging.

Stop Looking Backward

Oh, how true it is that we would give anything to have our old life back. But that will never happen. I wrote about this after losing “everything” because of chronic pain. The sooner we can accept that life is different now, the sooner you will find the new you.

Yes, you may feel like only half of a person. That is normal. God’s Word says “when we marry, the two become one.”(Mark 10:8) So, it is par for the course that you will feel as if part of you has been ripped away. This may never change. You are not the same person, but God can use this to work in you in unimaginable ways. This will not happen overnight. It will take time. But if you allow Him to work in your story, He will bring amazing things to fruition. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Galatians 6:9, Romans 5:3-4, Hebrews 12:10-11, 2 Corinthians 4:17, Genesis 50:20)

How do you stop looking back?

Reaching forward begins with doing the hard things. This may not be something you do in the first month or even year. This is different for each person, so take this with a grain of salt or even skip ahead to the image below. You will know when the time is right.

Clean out your closet and give away his clothes. Take down the pictures. This is hard, terribly hard. It won’t happen without tears. But God saves our tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) He feels our pain and comforts us. (Isaiah 53:4) God made tears to help us grieve. Don’t be afraid of them.

This doesn’t mean you have to rid your home of everything. Keep a few special items. Perhaps repurpose some of them. My daughter and I have plans to make ornaments for everyone with some of his shirts. And something special with his myriad of ties. (Remember, he was a pastor.)

Find new friends.

Join a Christian widows’ group.

Join Grief Share.

Take a class.

Learn a new hobby.

Reaching Forward

I started out in this article using the words “looking forward” but I read Philippians 2 in the CSB version and it said, “reaching forward”. It is more of an action word for me. Indeed, at first all we can do is look to Jesus. Then, I stopped counting how many days it had been since Michael passed away. I started hoping for the day we would be together again with Jesus.

And I soon prayed about what God had for me in my future here on earth. I knew it wasn’t to sit down and give up. I knew there was more for me to do for Him. Hard days came where I said, “God, let’s get to this!” But He responded, “No, you must sit in your grief to understand it and what others are going through. You will be more of a blessing to them if you know it personally.”

I’m not thrilled about that, but I know I cannot move on and ignore the pain inside. Deal with the pain first. James 2 says,

Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

James 2:2-4

Now in my second year, I want to start Reaching Forward Actively

1. Study and prepare to be the Bride of Christ – I hope to really delve into what that means soon. I am making a book list and a list of widows in the Bible. How did they deal with life after their loss? You will hear more from me on that.
2. Draw close to God – There is a chorus by Steve Green that says,
   • “Oh, I want to know You more
     Deep within my soul, I want to know You
     Oh, I want to know You
     To feel Your heart and know Your mind
     Looking in Your eyes stirs up within me
     Cries that say, “I want to know You”
     Oh, I want to know You more”
   • This is my desire. (Psalm 63)
3. Test the things you used to do. Decide to leave them in the past or continue to grow in these areas.

Don’t Give Up

God has a plan for you. There is more to your story. Never forget that. He loves you more than you can imagine. The Lord only wants what is best for you. And He is working in the background to do more for you than you could ever dream.

Come with me and reach forward through your pain. You will find God there.

Soft Hugs,

Mandy

Book List

The Imitation of Christ – by Thomas a’ Kempis

How to Pray ~ A Simple Guide for Normal People – by Peter Greig

Widow’s Might 365 Days of Strength for Grief and Loss

Boundaries: When to say Yes, How to say No, to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

The PRactice of the Presence of God – Brother Lawrence

Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray

Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ by Jeanne Guyon

The Divine Romance by Gene Edwards

Sacred Romance by John Eldredge

The Bride of Christ by F.B. Meyer

Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship

Jack Frost (for understanding love vs. performance)