This Mourning … 35 Reasons I Loved the Man

I really loved him and grief is love with nowhere to go. This Mourning Series is all about my grief journey. My husband passed away in December 2024 after a 10-month fight with pancreatic cancer. I would like to write about how God has walked with me through this unexpected, unwanted journey.

God has been wonderfully good to me. Even so, this journey is very, very hard. My plan is to go back and start at the beginning. I feel the waves of grief coming in even as I type this. So this may not happen at all or be very sporadic. But this is part of the healing process. Hangin there with me. If you don’t hear from me, pray for me. 🙂 If something connects with you, let me know. Respond to the email and share your prayer requests with me. When I say that I am praying for you, trust that I am doing it. Soft hugs, my friend.

I used the following books and devotionals to find my way.

Hinds’ Feet in High Places by Hannah Hurnard – I cannot recommend this book more for ANYONE. I read it when chronic pain first hit and again last year. It’s one to keep on the shelf.

Widow’s Might devotional – a collaboration of widows writing encouraging devotions in the midst of their journey

Streams in the Desert – An excellent classic devotional

35 REASONS I HAVE LOVED MICHAEL FOR 35 YEARS

I posted this on December 31,2024 our anniversary, just 12 days after his passing. Sharing it again to let you know just how amazing my husband was. I was indeed blessed beyond measure. Widow Reality: My Love Story ~ God’s Story

1. His devotion to his Lord. – He loved Jesus and the Church more than anyone I know. He pastored for 40 years.
2. Great preaching. Never above your head, but challenging to everyone, no matter where you are in your spiritual journey.
3. His devotion to his wife and children. He loved us so much. Maybe, too much. 🙂 I found myself baffled at times at how he loved me.
4. His commitment to the wedding vows, even in “the worst of times, in sickness, or when money was short.” He struggled when the tables turned and he was the one needing help. I said it was in my vows, too. But he wanted so much to be the provider.
5. He left little love notes everywhere for me to find. Maybe there are more to find? He did this especially if I was going away for a couple of days. My suitcase would be filled with business cards with notes on the back declaring his undying love for me.
6. Little things like getting up before me and fixing my breakfast tray, ready to be filled. I made breakfast but came out to my tray waiting with a teacup, plate, glass for milk, and napkin. ( And the dishwasher empty) The napkin usually have a love note on it. I wish I had saved more of those.
7. When we went to restaurants (or church fellowships), he always picked up extra napkins because I invariably forgot to get myself one.
8. At the end of my writing day, when I came into the bedroom where he worked on his computer, he immediately changed the TV channel to something I enjoyed watching.
9. He loved to take me and the kids shopping. It didn’t matter if I needed a dress or a pair of shoes. I almost always came home with more than one.
10. Michael didn’t stifle my creativity. He allowed me to do whatever I felt the Lord called me to do. He didn’t expect me to fulfill traditional pastor-wife duties unless it was my calling.
11. He was willing to have MORE children even though he already had three. He often said he had been raising kids all his life. The ages of our children span 23 years. I appreciate especially that he was agreeable to a 2nd child, who finished off our family with a beautiful little girl.
12. He was an awesome preacher of the gospel of Christ. He did not shrink back from speaking the truth.
13. He was the most compassionate pastor I have known. Perhaps because he had experienced so many losses. It was the thing that made me love him so much.
14. He was the embodiment of Christ to me by being the rock I needed when anxiety was high. He centered me and put my focus on Jesus.
15. Willing to try new things. For example, he went to plays and even opera because I loved it. He had his priorities right. God first, family second, church work third.
16. He had his priorities right. God first, family second, church work third.
17. He did the right thing, even at great cost.
18. He was always thinking of me. When we went out to eat and I decided to try something different, he would order my favorite for himself, “just in case I didn’t like what I ordered.”
19. His warm hands that cupped my face with tender love.
20. Afternoon walks.
21. He always wanted to make me happy. When making choices, decisions, he always kept my desires in mind, even when I had never expressed them. Once when considering a move, he sent his resume to Wisconsin so I could be near family for a change. We served there for six years, giving our children the opportunity to know my parents, their grandparents, better.
22. Always helpful around the house. After chronic pain hit, he took over the housework, cooking, and cleaning .. especially after Mikaela got married and moved out. (I hope I can figure out how to do stuff again.)
23. So many little things I took for granted.
24. He was McGyver, the second. He could find a way to fix anything.
25. He told me I was pretty even when I didn’t feel pretty.
26. He protected me from the “politics” of the church.
27. His steaks, oh my goodness so good. It was the first meal he made for me. So glad, he taught my boys how to grill.
28. His chili, which was actually his mother’s recipe.
29. His spaghetti – I never liked spaghetti. He made it with three different meats sometimes. Usually it had spare ribs in it. Only spaghetti I have ever had that has bones in it!
30. His home fries – he would send an image to the kids, and before you knew it, we had a knock at the door. 🙂
31. How he joked with my grandparents … “Stealing” her purse, and giving them bills for staying with us.
32. How he respected my parents.
33. I love how he demanded neatness and cleanliness. (Well, now I do. ) The kids and I will forever hear his voice in our heads to clean things up. I venture to say he instilled in us the habit of seeing what needs picked up, cleaned up, or straightened up.
35. I love how he missed me when I was away. As a matter of fact, he would start missing me before I even left. Just thinking about my being gone made him miss me.
36. I love how he saw my talent and allowed me to flourish with it. I recall the first time he watched me in action with children’s ministry. You see, I’m inhibited with adults, but I love being a kid with the kids. I remember his amazement the first year he went to kids’ camp with me. He didn’t mind playing second fiddle and being my support.

BONUS REASONS I LOVED HIM

1. I love how he loved me.

and oh! I loved the gray curls that came in on the top of his head after chemo! He didn’t like them so much. 🙂

#inmemoryof Michael Farmer 6-22-53 to 12-19-24

Mandy Farmer

Pastor’s Wife (retired) &  Chronic Pain Warrior blogs about how to make it through anything by relating her own life experiences to her writing. She is passionate about her love for the Lord and desires to spread that passion to others. She has a great desire to encourage women who are following behind her.

www.mandyandmichele.com