Well, here it is. My chance to come clean about dumb stuff I did while Brad wasn’t home. If your keeping score, a few articles back I revealed my husband’s innate ability to eat things he shouldn’t.
Most of my dumb stuff I accomplished all on my own. There is a sense of pride in my saying that. Of course, Brad had to be gone in order for me to get these feats completed. Because if Brad would have been home, there would be no way he would have let me do most of them.
Only you can prevent forest fires
First up in the dumb stuff category is burning leaves. This sounds pretty simple and straight forward. You pile up the leaves, start them on fire and your done. Well, being that we lived in Wisconsin and our property was surrounded by a woods on the south side, we had loads of leaves needing to be raked each fall.
It took me 6 hours of raking to get the entire property raked with leaves in separate piles. Then an additional hour to get the leaves onto a tarp and dragged to the center of the back part of our property. With that “rig-a-ma-roll” over, it was time to light the fire.
While I began to prepare my “fire starter”, I noticed that the leaves felt a little damp. I placed my newspaper rolls at different places throughout the bottom of the pile. I didn’t want to be leaning into the pile of leaves to start it on fire. So I thought it best to start the fire at ground level.
Taking my kitchen matches I pulled out the first match, struck the box and started the newspaper on fire. I kept moving around the pile until I had all the newspaper lit.
But by the time I made it back to where I started, it had started to drizzle out. It was making the leaves and newspaper wet and completely put out the fire. Hmm. How do I fix this? Ha! I will go get some gasoline from the shed.
Yep, I bet right now you’re shaking your head. Maybe you need to set the newspaper down and go get some fresh air, cause some dumb stuff is about to happen.
Someone should have stopped me
Armed with a full gas can, I marched back to the leaf pile. Taking out the cork I began to carefully splash the gasoline around the pile like cheap cologne on prom night. Once I made it around the pile I made sure to move the gas can and Brad’s truck far, far away- don’t need an explosion right?!
With the gas can and Brad’s truck moved far away from the leaf pile, I got out the matches. My stomach began to tell me that this may not be very safe to do. I decided that I should make sure that I had a clear path to run. Path clear! Next, I thought that I should roll up a newspaper and make a torch and then toss it onto the pile of leaves. Newspaper rolled and ready.
I am going to add a disclaimer right here: DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME!
Taking the match, I struck it on the box, picked up my newspaper roll and started the roll on fire. As I took a deep breath, I walked up to the leaf pile and barely touch it to the pile when “WOOF!” followed by “BOOM!”
I watched wide-eyed as my nice pile of leaves moved a few feet off the ground. The smell of gasoline and a burst of heat shot past my face and overtop my head taking my baseball cap with it. My plan of being able to run was already out the window.
Only you can prevent forest fires. This means you, Michele!
It felt like time was standing still, but I managed to yell, turn and finally run. I was racing for the safety of the truck as my neighbor Helen Slager bounded out her back door to see what had exploded and was on fire. Generally, the neighborhood gentlemen (aka “Fire Bugs”) are the ones setting fire to things, so my going “rouge” was a bit exciting, albeit a bit risky for my lone fire-starting session.
I called out to Helen that it was just me burning a leaf pile. Relieved she waved her dishtowel in acknowledgment and walked back into the house. Good thing only a fellow female heard it. If it were the guys, I would have gotten a chewing out for doing such dumb stuff. But of course, if they did it, well… it would have been ok, as planned, no problem.
An hour had passed and the once-raging leaf pile fire had settled nicely. Satisfied that my burning leaf pile was under control, as Smokey the Bear had not shown up, I headed back to the house for a shower. It was time for Brad to come home, so I needed to get supper started. I might as well fess up when he gets home. Word travels fast, especially when it’s the gals doing dumb stuff.