Becoming a pastor’s wife is a very daunting event for some of us.
I became a pastor’s wife at the age of 28. Unlike most pastors’ wives, I did not meet my husband at college while he prepared for ministry. We didn’t date and plan our lives together to become pastor and wife. I met my husband AFTER he had already been in the pastorate for 14 years.
We were introduced by my own pastor’s wife.
You see, Michael lost his wife and daughter in a car accident. My pastor’s wife decided that he needed a new wife AND that I was her!
In short, she pestered me until I finally agreed to go to her hometown and meet this minister. I figured I would go and she would quit bothering me about it. She did …
Four months later, we heard wedding bells!
As a result, I had many, many things running through my mind during those short months. Thank the Lord, Charlotte didn’t leave me to my own defenses. She sat me down and gave me a few words of advice to help me transition from laymen into pastor’s wife.
Charlotte’s advice has been very helpful over the years, so I want to share it with you.
FIRST OF ALL, BE YOURSELF.
It’s easy to get this glorious picture of a wonderful pastor’s wife. All these lofty ideals out there tell us that as a pastor’s wife we need to look and act in a certain way; however, God has already built in you the perfect pastor’s wife.
You may have a pastor’s wife in your life that you desire to imitate, and it is good to have these aspirations. But those qualities seen in that person are not the same qualities that God has instilled in you. You must use the gifts and talents that God has placed in you.
If you attempt to be a reflection of her, you will live in frustration. You must only attempt to reflect God’s image. I look up to my pastor’s wife, Charlotte. She is an amazing woman with joy that I have never seen in anyone else. But I can’t exude joyfulness, like Charlotte. I have to allow the characteristics God has given to me to shine through my life.
Possibly, you know a pastor’s wife that is a wonderful speaker who stands up and speaks with eloquence side by side with her husband. But if you are not a speaker, you will find yourself in total frustration if you take this on as an expectation for yourself. Find your own way.
Find your own passion and follow it. It could be that you best compliment your husband by going to work and being a bread-winner. You may find that you are a behind the scenes person or a prayer warrior supporting your husband quietly from the rear. Any of these personalities make an awesome pastor’s wife.
Additionally, don’t let your congregation put their expectations of a pastor’s wife on you. At our first pastorate together, the people told me that the pastor’s wife had always taught the senior adult Sunday School class. Being a children’s worker, this scared me out of my mind. My quick response, “Well, not anymore!”
Also remember, It’s Not All “Eating Bon-Bons Like a Princess”
It’s more like what Forest Gump says, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.”
At times, we can get in our heads that certain professions are just smooth riding. All glamour and no nitty-gritty. Every lifestyle has its ups and down. It’s good and bad. It benefits and disadvantages.
At the outset of ministry, there is great excitement about leading people to Christ and encouraging people to live a life close to God. But then, reality will set in. Tough times will come. And they will come sooner than later.
The scripture records that believers should expect to have trouble. (John 16:33) What I’m driving at is that we need to prepare for the worst and be surprised by the best. Like choosing that piece of chocolate from the box. You may get a creamy melt-in-your-mouth chocolate, or you may get a mouth full of coconut. Be ready for both!
And Finally, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.
In the end, it’s all small stuff. As in life everywhere, stuff happens. And to put it bluntly, “Get over it!”
Every moment that we are sulking because someone hurt our feelings is a moment that God cannot use us for the kingdom. @ggmandy
Trust me on this one, my friend. Someone WILL say something derogatory about your kids, your husband or YOU. Don’t wear your feelings on your sleeve, they will only get crushed.
Consider the source and whether or not there is truth to be found. If there is truth there, accept it and correct it, if possible. If there is no truth, then brush it off. Maybe the person was having a bad day/week/month/year. Most of the time in life, a bully is hiding their own painful truth. Reach out to them in love and see what happens.
In conclusion, just remember that attitude makes all the difference. Meet with God at the beginning of each day. Take Him with you on your journey. He’ll work out the details.
Becoming Perfect In Him,
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This post is the first in a series for the Write 31 Days Challenge. I will be posting a “Nugget for Ministry” every day in October. There will be “Gems” for every ministry and every leader, clergy or laymen. If you would like to receive more Nuggets for Ministry Help this month please subscribe to my newsletter. Every Saturday afternoon, you will receive my newsletter with a scripture and a prayer for facing the enemy as we enter into worship.
Writer/Speaker sharing about how to make it through anything. I married a pastor with two boys who just lost their mom, I homeschooled my own children, led children’s ministries and women’s ministries in the church, and founded and led a homeschool support group. Had to give up much of this due to chronic pain. Like the Insurance, I know a lot because I’ve seen a lot.